AITAH for attempting to cut my mom off from me after she said my SA was my fault?
He carries a silence heavier than words, a shadow cast by a night that shattered his innocence.
Betrayed not only by the cruel act but by the one who should have been his refuge—his mother’s demand to relive the pain only deepened the wound, twisting his trauma into a burden he was forced to bear alone.
When he finally sought understanding, he was met with blame, as if the horror that befell him was a consequence of his own choices.
Her words, cold and dismissive, transformed his anguish into a lesson, stripping away his pain and leaving him isolated in a world that refused to see his suffering.
I (18m) a few years back got SA'd at my mom's friend's party, and it isn't a experience I will explain, but the main point is my mom the next day made me tell her everything that happened and demanded me to tell her what happened, which fucked me up a lot.
After a few months later, we would get into a argument for reasons I can't even remember but in this argument my SA came up and I was angry that nothing had been done to the guy, and after several minutes of arguing, my mom says "to be fair, you put yourself in that situation" which pretty much was her saying it's my fault I had that happened.
Shes gone on to say this 3 times further and it is clear to me now that she doesn't believe she's in the wrong.
During another argument I bought this up to her and she tried to say she was trying to teach me how to pick up on a situation like that, which made me madder even more because she's always trying to teach me everything like I'm 10 and now she's trying to turn my trauma into a lesson of life rather than validate my emotions and comfort me.
As of late Ive been snippy towards her and overall just annoyed when she's in her presence because she acts like nothing happened.
She works at the school I go to and all the kids LOVE her there and it pisses me off because she has the gall to be all nice to everyone but when it comes to me its like she doesn't give a shit.
I've told her that she's scarred me forever by saying the sh it she said and she just walks away in the arguments because she doesn't wanna deal with it.
I don't love her anymore and Everytime Im around her I feel my day getting significantly shittier by the second while being in her presence. Is what I'm doing justified?
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THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.:
It didn’t take long before the comment section turned into a battleground of strong opinions and even stronger emotions.
Tdluxon - :- NTA Victim-blaming is a shameful practice and its even worse considering you were pretty young at the time.
Also, I don't know the whole story but it was her party so she's partially responsible and it doesn't seem like she did much to try to get this guy held accountable. Do what you need to do for yourself, you don't owe her anything given how she's treated you.
Capital-Sundae-4532 - :- You are absolutely justified. Your mom's repeated victim-blaming and dismissal of your trauma are deeply harmful.
It's heartbreaking that instead of offering unconditional support, she turned your pain into a "lesson." Cutting her off, or at least distancing yourself, seems like the healthiest option for your mental well-being. Surround yourself with people who uplift you—you deserve healing, not more harm. 💙
dollfacegirlx - :- You're absolutely justified in how you feel. What your mom said was deeply harmful, and dismissing your trauma like that is not okay.
Cutting off or distancing yourself from someone who refuses to validate your pain, especially when they're supposed to be a source of support, is a form of self-protection.
Focus on your healing and surrounding yourself with people who truly care about you and your well-being. You deserve that love and support 💜
babyviirtuaI - :- You're not the asshole at all. What you went through was traumatic, and your mom's response was incredibly invalidating.
It’s so messed up that she tried to turn your pain into a lesson for you instead of showing support and understanding.
Your feelings are completely justified, and it’s okay to distance yourself from someone who doesn’t make you feel safe or loved. You deserve to be heard and respected.
SoMoistlyMoist - :- Anyone who blames the sexual assault victim for the assault happening is just a deep down horrible person who's rotten inside and stupid.
Lexaroth - :- NTA. Your mom blaming you for your SA and minimizing your trauma is not okay. You deserve support and validation, not to be made to feel at fault.
It’s understandable that you’d want space from her if she’s not being supportive. Protecting your mental health and setting boundaries is justified.
Psychological_Pie_32 - :- NTA she's a victim blaming, rape apologist. You have nothing to feel bad about if you decide to cut her off.
The individual is clearly experiencing intense emotional distress and a breakdown in trust with their mother following the disclosure of a past sexual assault.
The core conflict lies between the son's need for validation, comfort, and accountability for the trauma, and the mother's response, which involved pressuring for details, shifting blame onto the victim, and reframing the trauma as a life lesson.
Given the severe emotional damage caused by the victim-blaming statements and the ongoing denial of fault, is the son's current reaction of withdrawing affection and feeling intense negativity around his mother a justified defense mechanism, or does it prevent the necessary communication required for any potential future healing?