WIBTA for announcing my engagement the day before my sister's baby shower
She carries the weight of being the eldest, bearing scars from a shattering divorce that tore her family apart and distanced her from the faith they once shared.
The chasm between her and her loved ones grows wider with every passive-aggressive barb, yet she remains the quiet anchor for those she still holds dear, like her 98-year-old grandmother.
Amidst the fractured ties and unspoken tensions, a fragile thread of connection remains as her pregnant sister and grandmother prepare to gather under one roof.
Behind the scenes, she guards a private love story, a silent engagement that contrasts sharply with the turmoil surrounding her, embodying resilience and hope in a world that often feels cold and judgmental.
I (30F) am the oldest of 3 siblings and have the typical eldest daughter syndrome. 8 yrs ago I went through a hellacious divorce and that greatly disappointed my very religious family.
We used to be very close but since I have more or less walked away from the religion and live my life differently than them, we aren't close any more and they often will be passive aggressive or down right rude to me about my life choices.
My dad passed away 4 years ago and I am really the only one who keeps in touch with his mom (98F). My sister (28F) is pregnant with her first child.
My gmaw and sister both live in different states, but are coming to town for a baby shower hosted by my mom this coming Saturday.
(I was the one who suggested we invite gmaw and volunteered to drive her up.)
My fiance and I are very private about our relationship; we have been together almost 5 years and recently quietly got engaged.
No social media posts, just told to a few close friends and then people notice when they see me wearing the ring. I have not told my family yet.
I was feeling very excited about getting to show my gmaw my ring and tell her I'm engaged on Fri when I see her since I don't get to see her in person very often and I know I have limited time left with her.
I was talking about it with my friend and he said that I would be an asshole to "steal the spot light" by announcing my engagement right before my sister's baby shower.
I thought it would be ok given that it's the day before the baby shower, with immediate family only, and it's not like I'm making a toast at the party to announce I'm engaged.
Also since I'm not super close with my family and this is just the next time we see one another, I don't want to take off my ring to hide the fact I'm engaged, so it felt natural but now I'm worried that it's a d*** move for me to do this.
Subscribe to Our Newsletter
No spam, unsubscribe anytime. Privacy Policy
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
Users didn’t stay quiet — they showed up in full force, mixing support with sharp criticism. From calling out bad behavior to offering real talk, the comments lit up fast.
Whos_a_Bucky_Beaver - :- Tell your sister PRIVATELY and treat it like something sacred between you two because it is! Then the two of you can decide when to make this big announcement!
FoxPawsFauxPas - :- YWBTA Her first baby is a bigger moment than your second marriage. Do not take this from her. Take off the ring and let her enjoy this moment.
If you wear it then it's almost hoping someone notices so you can steal the spotlight. Don't do this to her, as an eldest daughter to another just don't.
If you have to tell family this weekend then wait until AFTER the baby shower, AFTER sister has had her moment, and AFTER everyone but immediate family has left the event. !updateme
runonia - :- Don't even need to read the post, YTA. After having read the post I stand by it. You can do it afterwards. Tell your sister privately and see what she says about the day after. If she doesn't like that wait a week or so
pettitensassy - :- If it’s just your grandma you’re worried about then just tell it to her. YWBTA and unintentionally actually taking the spotlight.
angelaelle - :- YTA. You can wait a couple of days until after the baby shower. Leave your main character syndrome at home. A baby shower is more important than your second engagement.
MutedHyena360 - :- INFO: Are you driving your grandmother back and forth? Why can't you tell family your news after the shower? Also, what is eldest daughter syndrome?
SoccerProblem3547 - :- YTA don’t do it a day before…. Like come on, why not do it after the baby shower at least or on the drive back with your older relative. Or host your own thing and drive them up
The original poster feels torn between her desire to share significant personal news, her engagement, with a beloved, aging relative and the concern that doing so might overshadow her sister's upcoming baby shower.
This conflict highlights the tension between personal milestones and perceived family sensitivities.
Is sharing the news of a long-term engagement privately with a grandmother the day before a major family event an act of necessary personal sharing, or does it demonstrate a lack of consideration for the central focus of the impending celebration?