Update: AITA for taking my daughter's phone away for exposing my "dirty laundry" to her friends in a group chat?
In the quiet chaos of a social media thread, a father’s simple act of handing back a phone and apologizing unfolded into a profound revelation about love, judgment, and the unspoken wounds within a family.
What began as a moment of tension with his daughter unraveled deeper truths about his insecurities and the painful feeling of being misunderstood by the very people he cherishes most.
Beneath the surface of the online comments and fleeting misunderstandings lies a man grappling with his past and his place in the world—a past marked by long stretches without work and the haunting fear that love is conditional, given more freely to faults than to virtues.
This story is not just about a phone or a thread; it’s about the silent cries for connection and the fragile hope of mending broken bonds.
I don't know the rules about how quickly you can post an update but I'm posting one because it only takes two seconds to hand back a phone and apologize which is what I did.
shortly after the thread began getting a lot of comments ( which also is why I stopped replying).
My daughter said that it's ok and that she didn't mean to say that I was boring- she says that she just thinks her dad is somebody who would much sooner reward bad behavior than good and that if I had been a liar, or even a cheater, somebody who mouthed off to him or snuck around he would have found that more worthy of love and that's very sad.
I know the thread became about the one incident with my daughter, but I think I at least partially it was a cry for help because I think I am coming to terms with the fact that the last time I worked for an extended period of time I was 19 working for a family friend who owned a store.
I remember when I first got married briefly helping my ex's father one day in the office of his business where he told me to write out a few checks ( by hand) to vendors.
When I first started looking for jobs an acquaintance looked at me sideways when I told her about my experience issuing handwritten checks for bookkeeping as I saw a posting for a bookkeeper jobs and realized how out of it I was.
My church has helped me- the bishop gave me money to pay 1/3 of my monthly rent once but in exchange I did deep cleaning work and was on call to do other odd jobs whenever he asked and had to give him access to all my financial statements.
He also asked questions about why I wasn't maintaining good relations enough with my children's father such that he decided to file for divorce.
I am very grateful for the help he gave and will treasure it always but want to do it on my own. So I am posting this update not just to update on the situation but to ask if anybody has any suggestions.
My daughter is very worried because recently I've had health issues. I was recently treated for two STDs, one of which was bacterial but another which will affect me for the rest of my life.
I also have issues with swelling from arthritis. So I posted the original because somehow I hope to be able to retire somewhere in my seventies.
I understand retiring comfortably is asking too much but just enough to live alone and not starve.
I got advice about my ex's SS benefits and I'm hoping that will be enough but if anybody has any tips, I would appreciate it too.
I just want to live in dignity in my old age because I know health only continues to dip at my age and while I can do the grocery job I'm once I don't know about when I'm 70.
I talk with other women who are facing divorce on this but they refuse to address the topic saying I shouldn't act like this is something to put anybody in paralyzing fear over.
i try not to be scared but feel lost.
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HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
What started as a simple post quickly turned into a wildfire of opinions, with users chiming in from all sides.
TorchIt - :- Your best bet is to look into community college and apply for degree programs that have an immediate hiring track to a white collar job.
That will extend your amount of working years, it takes far less effort to sit behind a keyboard than to stock shelves. Look into supply chain management, HR management, medical billing/coding, etc.
sgoodie22 - :- I’m so happy for your update but you need a professional therapist to help you!! A bishop shouldn’t have access to your financials and I’m so happy you’re seeking independence!
ay_laluna - :- Perhaps you could check one of the apps for dog walking/ petsitting/ other odd jobs, like TaskRabbit. If you have a car, you could try one of the delivery apps.
Those don’t require you to have specific training, but you can start building some skills while keeping a flexible schedule.
SoggySea4363 - :- I think you should try to be kinder to your daughter and give yourself some grace. Take each day one at a time.
genescheesesthatplz - :- Life is hard. Starting over is brutal. You have a lot of trauma to carry with you. I think it’s concerning your daughter is so stressed about you. She’s 15? Tbh she shouldn’t know half of what you’re telling her.
It’s not fair to put it on her shoulders like that. That’s too much stress on a child. Look into temp agencies! Look into local colleges that offer trades and training with financial aide. Good luck! Where your life goes next is largely up to where you direct yourself and your energy?
angry2320 - :- I really feel for you. That bishop is being ….. unhelpful.
In my head, I’d love him to know that the ex was such a POS he gave you an incurable disease, I know OP would probably not want to share that info but damn, it would be interesting to see how the bishop could try and talk around that
Substantial_Shoe_360 - :- First, stop listening to your Bishop, remind him next time that the Bible says for husband's to love their wife as Christ loved the church. It's not your job to make your ex's life better to appease your church.
Second, make an appointment with your community college. There are so many programs, grants, and scholarships for divorced women. Third, apply for welfare and Medicaid. There is no shame in getting help. Last, your lawyer screwed you. You were entitled to half of your ex's retirement.
I do hope you are receiving child support up to at least when your daughter graduates high school, a shark would have gotten until she graduated college. Best of luck, you got this.
The poster ultimately resolved the immediate conflict with their daughter by apologizing and receiving reassurance that the comment was not personal, but rather a reflection of the daughter's perception of the father's unfair nature.
However, this small resolution is overshadowed by the poster's much larger, underlying anxiety regarding long-term financial stability, chronic health issues, and the desire to maintain dignity in retirement.
Given the poster's demonstrated need for financial planning and support given their health challenges, should the focus remain primarily on immediate income generation, or is it more critical to prioritize the complex navigation of social security and long-term benefits now, even if it requires difficult conversations with peers who avoid the topic?