AITA for not allowing step daughter to mess with my things?
In the quiet chaos of a blended family, a mother finds herself guarding the fragile remnants of her past against the storm of a young girl's anger.
Each torn possession is more than just an object—it’s a piece of her history shattered, leaving her to silently gather the fragments and hide her tears away.
Caught between protecting her own memories and preserving a father’s bond with his daughter, the husband stands torn, believing love should weather the tempest of a child’s fury.
Yet beneath this fragile peace, unspoken pain lingers, threatening to unravel the delicate threads that hold them all together.
My stepdaughter and husband are upset because I put a stop to her losing or breaking my belongings. My husband is upset because when my stepdaughter gets angry, she goes through my stuff and destroys it.
I started locking my vanity drawers and putting my belongings away. He told me this puts him in a bad place with his daughter while she’s angry and that he isn't having any of it.
He stated that everything is replaceable except his relationship with his daughter and that she should be allowed to be angry.
My stepdaughter, who is 6, is upset that I’m not sharing with her and believes she should be allowed because “she’s sharing her dad with me.” I do not react in the moment when she does this because it is not mature; I just pick up the pieces and cry in another room.
I have a prenup, and everything I own was bought with my own money. She recently cut up an LV bag I saved for in high school with scissors.
She also found my box of mementos from childhood through high school and spilled everything in a tub of water. I am absolutely devastated.
She has also been breaking my makeup and got into my wallet, cutting up cash, cards, and my driver's license. I had enough and quietly put away the rest of my belongings.
My stepdaughter found out when she went to my bathroom and noticed my vanity was locked, and she freaked out.
When my husband came to see about her, he was so upset with me that I’m alienating her from us and making her feel unwelcome.
I told him if she needed something specific, she could ask, and I would get it for her. He responded that since we are married, what’s mine is his, and his daughter's, and vice versa.
In the past, he said he would replace whatever was broken, but he has not.
I tried talking with her, but she does not want to listen, and when I asked him to talk with her, he responds that I am making nothing into something and that I am not a parent nor am I allowed to parent her.
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REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.:
The crowd poured into the comments, bringing a blend of heated opinions, solid advice, and a few reality checks along the way.
BulbasaurRanch - :- NTA This man is wildly unfit to be a parent. You don’t need to allow his little monster free rein to destroy your things. Your husband is a spineless asshole who is only making his daughter’s life worse. Reality is going to pummel the shit out of that kid when she grows up.
CptKUSSCryAllTheTime - :- Maybe try locking up the scissors. Tell your husband that the next time she destroys something, you’re going to do the same to his belongings.
If he doesn’t put a stop to this behavior he’s going to have a rough time with her growing up. It’s wild for him to think this is acceptable behavior.
He’s teaching her that just bc she’s pissed she gets to destroy others belongings and this will eventually result in jail time if she keeps doing this
CthulhuAlmighty - :- NTA. But your husband is. Not only is he failing you as a husband, he is failing as a father. He needs to be teaching her proper ways to deal with her emotions. It’s only going to get worse the longer he doesn’t deal with it.
Equivalent_Soil6761 - :- She’s allowed to be angry. She’s not allowed to take your stuff. The gall.
celticmusebooks - :- **He said that since we are married what’s mine is his and also his daughters and vice versa.** You have a prenup that contradicts that.
Your step daughter has some serious mental health problems and instead of getting her the help she needs he's allowing her to act out. The obvious fix is for you to stop having her "sharing" your husband with you.
TELL him that the vanity will remain locked until his daughter gets counselling for her mental health issues AND he replaces every single thing little hellspawn destroyed. Honestly, the handwriting is on the wall here. Get out before her violent temper starts expressing itself in physical harm to your person.
Obvious-Weakness-218 - :- You have a big husband problem. He needs to grow a spine, learn how to parent, set boundaries and give consequences. If not, you have. She sounds spoiled as a get out.
They can leave and pay for damages, replacement and emotional if he can't or won't deal with his little monster.
Deimos_13 - :- Nta. This is a missed parenting moment for your husband. He is telling and showing you that you do not matter. That his daughters immature bratty behaviour is okay because god forbid he have to ACTUALLY parent his child.
They’re both disrespecting you. He needs to learn and accept when a child is upset at the parent. Oh well. Thats going to happen a lot as she gets older. She’s only 6. 😂 imagine her tween and teen years.
😵💫 He needs to parent her about boundaries, respect, and that life isn’t fair and how to handle one’s upset when that happens. You don’t get to destroy other people’s things when upset.
You don’t get carte blanche permission when she hasn’t earned it. This will land her in legal trouble later if she isn’t taught how to appropriately handle her emotions.
She will run roughshod over your husband his entire life otherwise. I’d be seriously reconsidering my marriage to this man. You don’t exist. I think both he and his daughter need some serious therapy both together and individually.
The stepdaughter and husband are deeply distressed because the wife took steps to protect her personal property from destruction by the child.
The central conflict involves the wife attempting to establish necessary physical boundaries for her valuable and sentimental items against the entitlement displayed by the stepdaughter and the husband's prioritization of his relationship with his daughter over respecting his wife's boundaries and possessions.
Is protecting one's own private property from intentional destruction by a child a justifiable action, even if it causes temporary distress to the child and conflict with the spouse, or does the marital commitment and the child's emotional reaction override the right to personal security over one's belongings?