AITAH for ghosting my ex fiancé’s dad after she said no and left me at the alter?
At just 15, he was shattered by a devastating car accident that took his entire family, leaving him orphaned and adrift in a world that suddenly felt unbearably cold.
In the midst of his darkest hour, his then-girlfriend and her family became his sanctuary, wrapping him in a love and acceptance that filled the void left by tragedy.
Her father, a man who treated him like his own son, became his anchor, guiding him through grief and inspiring his dreams as he pursued a future in law.
Despite the warmth of this newfound family, loneliness lingered in the quiet corners of his life, a yearning for deeper connection and partnership.
His proposal was not just a promise of marriage but a desperate hope for a shared life, a beacon against solitude, and a testament to the fragile yet fierce human spirit that seeks love and belonging even after the greatest loss.
I 21m was orphaned around 6 years ago in March of 2019 after a horrific car accident where my whole family was unlived.
At that time, I was in a two-month relationship with my now ex-fiancée, and she stood with me more than anyone else did. Her whole family took me in as one of their own, especially her father.
He treated me just as he did his two sons, if not even better, and I love him and still love him as a dad. I have been working with him for over two years now because he’s a lawyer, and I’m studying law.
To graduate, one must work in a law firm for experience, and usually, this work is unpaid. However, he pays me minimum wage, which is much more than he is required to, and I appreciate that greatly.
Living alone for that long was lonely, even with a loving second family. I wanted marriage so she could move in and I would not be alone.
When I proposed last year, she happily accepted, and her family was thrilled for both of us. Then, our supposed wedding came this past June.
In front of our whole family and friends, she said no and ran outside crying. I just stood there feeling like it was a dream, but it was reality. She destroyed me that day.
Her parents went after her as I stood there watching everyone whisper and look at me, and I just snapped.
I went home, threw all her stuff away that was already there, and then went straight to the airport to go to our honeymoon alone because the trip was expensive, and most of it was non-refundable.
I had already lost a lot of money on the failed marriage. Her family tried to contact me for the next two weeks, but I deactivated all my social media.
Even after returning, I could not bring myself to see any of them, so I avoided work too.
I live in a small village where everyone knows everything, and since that day, people have painted me as the evil bastard who forced this innocent little girl into marriage, but she heroically saved herself.
This is all nonsense; I never even raised my voice at her. Life went on, and I found another lawyer for my internship. He was nowhere near as good as my ex-fiancée's dad, but it was not too bad.
They stopped trying to reach out, and people stopped talking about the whole thing, making it feel like things were moving on.
Then, about two weeks ago, I was relaxing at home alone at night when her dad came over. I welcomed him in and offered coffee, which he accepted.
Before we could talk, he started apologizing for his daughter, saying she got cold feet at the last second and refused. He said he was not proud of her and was unhappy about the situation.
I told him it was none of his fault and that I was sorry for ghosting him, but being around him was painful because she looks so much like him, even though I still love him.
He asked if I would like to come back and work with him, even if I only wanted a professional relationship, because he loves me like a son and does not want to lose that. I told him I would think about it.
Am I the asshole because of how I reacted, and should I return to work with him? Any help would be appreciated.
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REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.:
This one sparked a storm. The comments range from brutally honest to surprisingly supportive — and everything in between.
queerstupidity - :- NTA I’d say it’s completely normal to need some space and time after something like that. You should accept his offer though. He cared enough to go find you.
leginnameloc - :- NTA, you were hurt and embarrassed. There is nothing wrong with how you behaved. He definitely sees the good in you and realizes it's just his daughter's loss for not marrying a good man
No_Commission_9079 - :- You needed time to process and you did. Take up the opportunity as it sounds like a good one but you need to also set some boundaries that will work for you. Such as not hearing about his daughter.
She will move on one day or she will try to make contact with you. If you have truly moved forward than it won’t matter so much. If you feel it will derail you, then you do need to think about that.
hellhoundflame - :- NTA for your reaction it’s definitely warranted plus you reacted in a very sensible way.
You took time for yourself, got space from the situation and people that hurt you instead of reacting and doing or saying something you would regret.
Although just to note when talking about proposing to your ex fiancée sounds like you proposed for all the wrong reasons anyway you were lonely and wanted to latch on to be seemingly around her family more than her and maybe she realised that at the altar.
iknowsomethings2 - :- NTA. You were hurt, it’s understandable how you reacted. You said he was the better lawyer and you loved him like a Dad.
Don’t let what his daughter did affect even more of your future, it sounds like he can give you a better future so do that.
It’s a shame your ex-fiancé didn’t feel like she could speak up sooner, and getting left at the altar would be horrific. I’m so sorry for all of your loss. I hope you are in therapy. Best of luck OP.
Serendipity_1310 - :- NTA You responded as was to be expected But honestly since you said he is way better than the firm you are with now.
Go back and work on your life Screw her don't let her ruin your life any more by working ad a midijoker firm just cause the best one is her dad.
Just tell him you will be back but you have no interest in seeing her or talking to her. If they can promise that go and get the best of the best
Fluid-Ladder-4707 - :- Can I say bit of an asshole, your fiancé is allowed to get cold feet, you got upset and reacted out of anger instead of checking on her feelings and what she went through.
Not saying what she did was ok but you reacted because of past trauma, just make sure your reaction is to what she did and not based on your past experiences.
The individual experienced a severe emotional trauma stemming from the sudden public rejection at their wedding, compounded by the previous loss of their entire biological family.
This led to an immediate, intense reaction of throwing away belongings and leaving for a planned trip alone, isolating himself from the supportive surrogate family who had helped him through his initial grief.
Given the deep personal betrayal and the subsequent community gossip, is the initial extreme reaction of cutting off contact and destroying property justified as a trauma response, or does it constitute an overreaction that jeopardized a vital, supportive relationship with the former fiancé's father?