'AITA for telling my wife the day before our daughter’s graduation that I'll be divorcing her?' UPDATED

You are absolutely within your right to end your relationship for whatever reason you have. That doesn’t make you an asshole.

What does make you an absolute asshole is how you chose to do it, your complete lack of empathy and thought about timing your announcement. Even if just for the sake of your daughter.

Your wife ruined your relationship 6 years ago, you ruined yours daughter’s high school graduation day. She’s not going to ever graduate from high school again, you forever tainted this moment for her.

Like others have said, you waited 6 years already, what would another few days have been? This was completely selfish, no consideration for anyone else.

I smell a rage-baiter. Profile created today.

I would assume that you were going for being the asshole with that timing. You didn’t have to do that to your daughter

Edit* had to update as the responses are getting heavily against OP. I mean, the little dick/go sleep with your sister/I hope your ex takes everything from you and alimony is overly rough.

I don’t believe OP is an asshole for divorcing his wife. He tried to live with her infidelity but couldn’t come to terms with it. He should divorce her

Your timing at the expense of your daughter = asshole
Divorcing after failing to come to terms with your partners past infidelity - NTA

So you waited six years already but you just HAD to tell her on that day? YTA. It's totally reasonable to want to divorce your wife for being unfaithful but you picked the worst day possible to do it. Do you hate your daughter or something?

I would have waited a bit after her graduation, since you already waited so long. Her graduation was marred due to her mom having to fake joy (your daughter clearly picked up on it). Now, she finds out the day after, further marring her memory of that day. You’re not the asshole for deciding on a divorce but your timing was a bit “assholish.”

YTA

You could have waited a few days. Also if you were happy, why did you let that line from your sister affect you so much? Are you easily influenced by others? Is the appearance of having always had a perfect marriage so important to you?

Isn’t the point to get a deeper and deeper understanding of the other person and ourselves?

Definitely YTA. If you really thought it was none of your daughter's business, you should have waited until after graduation. You ruined your daughter's graduation and any joy your wife might have had at the event. You have every right to want a divorce, but you could have waited to talk about it until after graduation.

Are you having a mid life crisis? You FORGAVE her! You waited 6 years? Did a young chick make it so these memories resurfaced? And then you made the graduation about the divorce!! Your daughter will forever remember that! Yes, YTA

YTA. You could have waited a couple of days. This isn’t as though you found out the day before and had an emotional reaction, you’d had six years to reflect on it and come to this conclusion, you should have realised it would have a negative impact on your daughter’s graduation.

On top of that, YTA for telling your daughter it’s none of her business when *her parents* are getting divorced and you told her mum *the day before her graduation*. You made the decision to overshadow your daughter’s important day by sharing this information just before, it’s entirely your daughter’s business.

Relationships are fragile things and if the trust was damaged beyond repair for you then you’re well within your rights to end things, but you can’t be surprised your daughter is upset you dropped this major, life-changing decision on the family the day before an event that was supposed to be about her achievements.

YTA. What the fuck is wrong with you? Forget, for a moment, that you're bringing this up years later, after allegedly reconciling. Forget, also, the impact it'll have on your wife. What about your daughter? You ruined HER graduation. Jesus. You waited six years. You couldn't wait a few more days to drop this massive bomb on your wife so your daughter could actually enjoy her own graduation without worrying about why her mom was so upset?

Also, it's "none of her business" that her parents are getting divorced? That is literally the dumbest thing I've read today, and I'm commenting on a Reddit post right now.

Uggghhhhh YTA dude. Why would you drop this all right before your daughters graduation? That's some narcissism right there. Plus, all of the sudden your sister says 1 thing and it sends you over the edge? Your wife did everything you wanted and you decided to get over it and move on with her and then boom, you can't do it? I get not wanting to be with someone but if you've forgiven her, then why all the drama? Have you found someone else and you're regretting staying with your wife? You need to be 100 percent honest with yourself right now

You could have done it after the graduation. Your choice to ask for a divorce is completely understandable. But..

You took something that was spose to be for your daughter and made it all about you. You're honestly really selfish.
And how you treated your daughter is disgusting.

Mate your time is agonizingly terrible. Yeah you're the asshole because of it. It's been 6 years already, another two days wouldn't hurt, hell give your daughter a week before doing that.

Just to be clear yeah you're NOT the asshole for the divorce, even if a lot of time has passed. But that timing was awful. Be aware your daughter might think you did it on purpose, if she does, good luck convincing her otherwise.

question: when you originally reconciled, did you forgive her? if so, it's hard for me to understand why you decided to walk away years later. people make mistakes. forgiveness is supposed to mean moving forward. at least to my way of thinking.

Yeah you're definitely the asshole here guy. I get she cheated, but you told her that if she did what was necessary to fix the marriage you could move on. She did what was needed and seems like really made changes and you had a good marriage until one day you pulled the rug out. So yeah, you're the asshole.

Yes. YTA. The timing alone...expect that the rest of your life will be more impacted by delivering your emotional betrayal more than your soon-to-be-ex-wife's betrayal five years ago.

You have a recovered healthy relationship with no issues aside from NOW you have decided to grab onto the idea that you should go have sex and date other women. Sounds like you had a super unhealthy response to a major life event, a mid life crisis, were you so panicked by your daughter 'leaving' you by being an adult that you're trying to preemptively abandon everyone? It could not be more clear that this is all about you - not your wife, not even her previous infidelity, and definitely not about your daughter unless like I said you're trying to hurt her for the crime of growing up - and what the heck is up with your sister butting in?

YTA. You know it. Divorce her. That’s fine. That doesn’t make you the a hole. You did this on purpose so she wouldn’t be able to enjoy her daughter graduating. You made your daughter’s graduation about YOU!!!! Then you had the audacity to tell your daughter the day after her graduation. When she thinks of her graduation she’s going to think…that’s when dad divorced mom. You waited 5 years!!! You could have waited another 2 weeks or a month so they could be separate events. You owe that to your daughter.

So, you're happy together for 5 years, then your sister gets in your ear with a single comment, and you blow up your whole life, the day before your only child's high school graduation. I think we're missing some pretty important parts of the story.

YTA first your Timing stank, you couldn’t just wait another week. Second the divorce, she did everything you asked for reconciliation on your terms. You said so she had changed had great years,  Now it looks like you just waited to avoid child support that those great years were fake. You not have therapy where you are from? So now your daughter and your wife hate you