'AITA for expecting my husband to sleep in our kids' room because of his snoring?'
I (36f) have handled kids through the night for 15 years. I have 2 kids from before my now husband (31m), he had 2, and we have 2 together.
We got together when my youngest was 2 and his youngest was 3 (2018). I’ve never had good sleepers. My two oldest are diagnosed ADHD and I know my 4-year-old will be. Since my firstborn, I’ve woken up many times a night to handle kids.
In 2020, I became pregnant with my son with my husband and became a SAHM due to covid. I began sleeping separately from him due to different sleep patterns, moving into a room with my older son and newborn. My husband had his own room, bed, gaming computer, collectibles, his “bachelor pad.”
Later, our baby and I moved into another room, bed sharing. My husband still had his own room.
In 2022, I became pregnant with our daughter. Again, I was in a room with my toddler and baby, him still in his own room.
By 2024, we had to split our teen girls into separate rooms, which put my husband, me, and our 2 toddlers in one room. He didn’t want to lose his space, so we built a false wall half for his gaming/collectibles, and all shared a big bed. I still handled the kids since he works.
He eventually wanted a bed alone with me, so I convinced him to give up his side and add a bed. Unfortunately, he developed bad snoring. We’ve tried solutions, but he won’t follow through on a sleep study. I often kick him out so I can sleep.
We’ve since moved to a bigger home. Our toddlers share a room (4-year-old sleeps decently, 2-year-old still ends up with me). I haven’t had good sleep in 15 years.
I’ve asked him to sleep in our daughter’s bed on work nights so I can rest. He won’t. He sometimes sleeps on the couch but usually stays until I kick him out for snoring.
I also have to wake at 5:15am to make sure he’s up for work, which keeps me up for at least another hour. I struggle with sleep anyway, often lying awake at 4am from his snoring, seeing no point in falling asleep before alarms start going off.
Tonight, I was awoken at 3am after not sleeping until 1am. Still awake at 4:15, knowing 5am alarms are coming.
AITA for expecting him to sleep in our daughter’s bed so I don’t suffer nightly? Should I be the one? To me, one person in a twin makes more sense than me and a toddler sharing one.
TLDR: AITA for expecting my husband to sleep in our toddler’s bed due to his snoring so I can get decent sleep? I’m a SAHM who shared rooms with kids for years while he had his own. One person in a twin makes more sense than two.
>I also have to wake at 5:15am to make sure he’s up for work
Aside from all the rest of the general wtf-ery here, absolutely WTF is *this*?!
*Why* do you have to wake at 5:15am to make sure he’s up? I can't help but feel that you have taken a series of quite deliberate choices over an extended period of time to completely screw yourself over and now you're sad about the inevitable result.
ESH - you and he have created an unviable living situation for yourselves through a combination of not having enough space, and/or having too many children, and by a ridiculous division of responsibilities.
You're right that it doesn't work, but that doesn't get you off the hook - this isn't something he did to you, you did it together.