'AITA for not letting my niece be a bridesmaid?' UPDATED
This is my first time posting so please be kind.
Now onto the story…
Me (21f) and my fiancé (25m) are getting married in 2 years. We’ve been together for a few years and have a baby together. So when we proposed I immediately said yes and started to plan straight away. I have a vision for my wedding and cannot wait for it to come to life. I’m planning to have a summer wedding, and the numbers matching groomsmen to bridesmaid.
I asked my big sis, my 2 SILs, Aunt and best friend to be my bridesmaids as soon as. They all said yes. But here’s the thing, my older sister was not happy about her stepdaughter not being a bridesmaid. I said to her that I wanted my bridal party to be over 18 and my step niece would be 17 by the time the wedding comes round.
I said that her stepdaughter daughter can get ready with us in the morning and have hair and makeup done it’s just when it comes to certain photos with bride and bridesmaids, she won’t be in them and when it comes to the ceremony she can go down with my mum. My sister refused this and sent me loads of messages essentially emotionally blackmailing me into making my step niece a bridesmaid.
She even put me in a group chat with my step niece and her telling me to tell her why she isn’t a bridesmaid. (I felt so uncomfortable and so bad for my step niece)
I put my bridal party in a gc and my sister again asked about her stepdaughter being a bridesmaid and I again… said no. She then threw the biggest tantrum and said that it isn’t fair that I wanted to keep it adults only bridal party but I have my child involved in the wedding, I said well duh he’s my child 🙄 my MOH then put in the GC that she agrees it’ll be nice to keep it adults only cause we can do a proper cheers and maybe to put all the bridal events as adults only too.
And my sister then hit the fan.
She went on and on for months about this. She said that I shouldn’t have my FSIL as a bridesmaid I should have my step niece (even though I am really close to my FSIL). I then said to my ladies that I would love to have the colour to be the same but choose your own style dresses and hair, as long as they’re happy and comfortable I am happy.
I also said that I am more than happy to pay for people if they can’t afford certain things and that I’m happy to contribute towards the bridesmaid stuff. My sister again, piped up and said that it isn’t proper and everyone’s hair and dresses needs to be matching and that it isn’t what she had at her wedding.
I said “that’s fine about your wedding but this is my wedding, it’s gonna be difficult to have a dress that all 5 of you agree on as there is different styles that will match everyone”
She then said what is her stepdaughter wearing? I said she can wear whatever she wants as long as it’s not a bridesmaid dress in this colour.
My sister then left the GC and carried on messaging me privately. I ignored her and went to have a bath and face mask (stress relief)
Ever since I was younger I’ve always been a people pleaser and do whatever my sister wanted me to do, but since becoming a parent myself and planning my wedding, my fiancé has told me that I need to stop making everyone happy at our wedding and make choice that will make me happy.
I do not know what to do in the situation anymore and need advice as it seems to be going on forever. I’m used to a bit of wedding drama but this is just crazy. So AITA?
OP you need to set a clear boundary here. This is your wedding, not your sisters. Tell your sister that her stepdaughter is invited but will not be a bridesmaid, and no amount of tantrums will alter that if she continues tell your sister she is not invited and block her. I hope you have a beautiful wedding.