'AITA for selling my late wife’s cake recipe to a bakery?' 'I am wondering if I really am a jerk.'

I'd think of this as a way for your wife to live on in what she created to bring happiness to others.  It's not like you did it for the money.  

Would the bakery consider using your wife's name as part of the item name?  NTA

NTA. It's funny. My mom died without leaving a complete recipe for one of my favorite dishes. The basic recipe was there, but she must have had a "pinch of this, dash of that" in her head, because the recipe never tastes like what my mom made. I totally get wanting to have that taste again. When your kids didn't want to try, you took matters into your own hands. Nothing wrong with that. And frankly, if your kids weren't ever going to make the cake, I'm not sure what their beef is about the bakery making it.

INFO

What happened to **selling** it?

In the post title you mention selling the recipe to the bakery, but in the post body it sounds like it was a **_trade_** in exchange for actually figuring the recipe out.

INFO

Have you asked your kids *why* they refuse to help you with the recipe and why they are angry that you gave the recipe to a bakery in return for their making the cake (and being able to sell it)?

NTA I literally hate the idea behind family secret recipes. It seems incredibly egotistical and self centered. Further, no one else was making it and at least now her good ass cake can be shared with other people instead of just being forgotten about. 

NTA! And, grief is complicated, and it sounds like they are taking out some of their sadness and anger on you. The thing about grief is it is very unpredictable. It might be best to apologize for accidentally causing those feelings, just to provide them with a little bit of validation, even though you have nothing to feel bad about. None of this process has to be logical, because grief isn’t logical either.

I DO think the bakery should be giving you that cake for free once a year on your anniversary instead of making you buy it. It doesn’t even sound like you sold the recipe, you just gave them the right to sell the recipe. Which means now a lot of people will be able to taste her cake. That’s pretty sweet, no pun intended. Also, I love the idea below of asking them to name the cake after your wife.

NTA. Do your kids understand that you gave them the unusable recipe, and in return, you now have a useable recipe? If they didn’t want to fiddle with the recipe I’d think they would be glad you found a solution. Maybe they think you sold it for money and they find that offensive?

*”Wow, that’s an interesting reaction, considering I asked you to make it for me. You refused to make it and told me to stop asking. So I stopped asking and found another place to make it for me.”*

NTA.

NTA. Your children have no right to complain about this - they were fine with it when they were enjoying the cake, weren't they? They didn't want to attempt the recipe, the bakery did. Everyone gets to have cake again.

Now you can have your cake and eat it.  NTA 

NTA

The cake was obviously a very treasured memory of special times that you spent with your wife, particularly the Father's Day celebrations.

You made every attempt to reproduce the cake on your own but weren't successful. It was natural for you to ask your children to help you. I find it sad that not only were your children not willing to help you with something that was clearly important to you, but that they then cut you off and told you to stop asking.

I think that your idea of taking it to the bakery was brilliant. Your children were unwilling to help so they have only themselves to blame for the path that you were left to take to reproduce your precious cake. I suggest that you enjoy every delicious bite without one ounce of guilt. Happy eating!

NTA
1. Your wife left notes, not a recipe.
2. You could not figure out the recipe
3. Your kids said they couldn't/wouldn't either. They had their chance and passed.
4. You inherited your wife's notes. You have a legal (and moral) right to do with them as you please.
5. You did not sell the notes. You (in a brilliant move) asked experts for help turning notes into a clear recipe.
6. In return, you allowed them to use the recipe in their bake shop. Which was also a win, as you can now buy the cake instead of baking it.
7. You shared the results of your ingenuity with your kids.

Your kids would rather no one ever tasted your wife's cake again? They are definitely AHs.

NTA

My wife is a baker. I would want to preserve and share that memory too.

NTA - Recipes aren’t magic. Someone’s eventually gonna figure out the precise measurements and ingredients that make the food. If it helps remember her better then no big whoop.

If they want to remember her by making their own cake with the recipe then they can do that. They should rest assured knowing they can now enjoy cake from that recipe of their mom’s and lowkey be happy to share it with others.

You didn’t sell it to them — you gave it to them. And I think it’s so much nicer that her recipe continues on rather than being forgotten. It’s a way to keep her memory alive

Would you consider dropping the name of the bakery so some of us can try this cake? 🙏 I personally have been searching high and low for a particular chocolate cherry cake for 30 years I once had from a Chicago bakery which closed down. It wasn’t a Black Forest cake-it was chocolate on chocolate and cherries galore. I’ve spent so much time, money and wasted food trying to recreate it. It haunts me! I even enrolled into culinary school but alas, I was not meant for pastries.

>I was told that they will not figure out the recipie and to stop asking.

If they were not going to figure it out then no one would use the recipe. I'm sorry you have kids that call you a jerk. NTA