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r/AmItheAsshole
22744
Posted by u/throwaway-929300
22 hours ago

'AITA for refusing to split my inheritance with my siblings?' UPDATED

I’ll try to summarize as much as possible.

I (f19) have an estranged grandpa more or less. He’s my dad’s father, but my dad hardly had a relationship with him. I have two other siblings (one younger, (13) and one older (26). My grandma divorced my grandpa when my dad was only 10, so he lived with my grandma his whole life in a different state and didn’t see him.

When he got older he saw him a little more and my grandpa started coming around a little bit more as well. He’d stay for a week at a time and then go home. He was an old, bitter man to be honest. He never got remarried and lived his whole life in his coastal town with the same friends he’d had his whole life.

He wasn’t pleasant to be around and could hold grudges longer than anyone I’ve ever met. But regardless of this, he was filthy rich. He owned a successful business that he sold for $1m dollars. He retired after selling, but his house sits on an island as well as the biggest piece of land on the island.

So it sold for well over $3m.

I was never close with my grandpa, but I took after his sister who is an RN and he adores her. He always told me that he was proud to see me follow in her footsteps.

He died a few months ago. Since then, my family has been torn apart. He left everything to me. He essentially liquidated all of his assets and it ended up being close to 8 million dollars. I was shocked. I didn’t and still don’t know what to do with the money, but I’m going to save it.

My dad and stepmom as well as my siblings are hounding me to split the money with them. I just can’t do it.

My dad is an alcoholic who never said anything nice about his dad. Despite him being bitter, my grandpa actually bought my dad a $300,000 house. My dad would 100% drink away any money given to him.

As far as my siblings, my brother has full financial support from my grandma as he is the favorite and he’s very wasteful and ungrateful. He never talks to me and always is very mean to me when he does.

My little sister is the only person I’ve actually considered. She’s very young and that’s really the only thing stopping me. Her mom is money oriented and would take the money from her. So I’m waiting until she turns 18 and i offered to pay for her college.

But now my family is telling me I’m unfair and the money doesn’t belong to me and I’m not deserving of it. That I’m too young and I’ll waste it on cars and clothes.

I don’t agree and now they’re all threatening to cut me off and never speak to me, or even sue me if I don’t give them all a chunk of the money. I don’t know what to do and I’m buckling under pressure here. I’ve already had 2 police officers out to my house because my dad is claiming I stole the money from him.

Everything was through an attorney, I know I did nothing wrong legally.. but morally? Idk. So AITA?

Comments (1840)

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u/greenapple111 6h ago

NTA, my god these entitled people.

If they want to cut you off for money that your grandpa willed to you show them the door.

Buy yourself a lovely home and move away from them, pay for your sisters college and save the rest.

Edit: thank u for my first silver!! Woohoo!
And also OP be careful of any brand new “friends” you may encounter, there’ll be so many at your age.. So many stories online of how young people get a lump sum of money yet loose it all.

It’s easier to make money than to keep it. Best to check with a financial adviser To invest and hopefully just live on the interest, like many on here have suggested if you haven’t already... :)

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u/annjones2012 2h ago

NTA - You do not owe them any money. Just because they are blood doesnt mean they are family. If you want to help your little sibling. Put it in a trust that only she can touch at a certain age. And pay for her schooling directly just incase her greedy mom or dad try to touch it or talk her into giving it to them. Invest wisely and be happy. Your grandpa might be an old grumpy man but he saw something in you.

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u/Grey_Matter_Mutters 3h ago

NTA.

Keep multiple copies of all the paperwork regarding his Will and your inheritance.

Make sure the funds are in a secure account that your family has no access too (ideally that they don’t even know anything about).

Look into legal council and research investment advisement resources and strategies.

Don’t. Give. Anyone. Anything. Not one dollar.
After you look into your investment options, you can ask about setting up a investment/trust/portfolio for your younger sister to use under stipulation that any funds go directly to her college/university/post-secondary training, and thereafter any remaining can get paid out to her on some future birthday (25, 28, 30, whatever so she has something in the future and ideally she’ll be more savvy with it and keep your parents mitts off it).

Good luck OP. I’m really sorry this situation has exacerbated your family’s various issues.... but it’s also shown you their true colors. I hope you can get out/away safely. Please take care.

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u/banerises19 4h ago

Of course not! You are entitled to your inheritance, they have no right to pressure you into sharing it. I'm fact, you're old enough and this sounds like a really toxic environment. Would you consider moving out?

Also, you are really young and will be inexperienced with money. Please don't share with your friends how much you actually have, keep that always private. Use it wisely.

NTA.

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u/LiquidDreamtime 5h ago

YTA

Again, while I’m not surprised, I’m saddened by the outrageously selfish and entitled responses of this sub.

Your grandfather, was by all accounts, a complete AH. So now, you’re claiming you’re NTA because you’re doing as he wishes? Split it with your siblings and other grandchildren. Let his selfish favoritism die with him, don’t extend that legacy.

If you’re absolutely convinced your family is worthless and will squander everything. Put a large sum into a trust that pays out $1250/mo to each of your siblings and parents. This is the federal tax free gift maximum and will set them up to never be unable to afford food and rent so as long as they do the bare minimum of work. Edit: this could be set up in a way that they receive $15k/yr for life. They won’t be rich but they’ll never be homeless or hungry.

You’ve been granted a gift that could allow you to take care of the people who matter most to you, and you’re being very selfish about it.

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u/mschuster91 1h ago

>I’ve already had 2 police officers out to my house because my dad is claiming I stole the money from him.

Holy hell lawyer up *now*, at least get a restraining order on the whole batch, and if you feel fit sue their asses off for false accusations or misuse of police services. Park the money somewhere safe (separate bank account at a separate bank, do not invest it in anything risky), and follow the "windfall" guideline of r/personalfinance. Don't spend any of the money until your lawyer gives you the "all clear", and don't give your money to any of the entitled asses!

As for your little sister: you can lock up a chunk of the money (think 200-500k) in a designated "college fund" that can only be accessed for college-related expenses (tuition, living costs, the likes) once she turns 18. Talk to your lawyer about setting up that one.

Edit: and also, set up a will of your own that excludes the whole family from anything and make that known to them. 8M dollars is something that some people would kill for and from the sound of your posts they could be deranged/feel entitled enough to do this.

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u/Rahrah5625 5h ago

NTA- I do have one question, have you considered cutting your family off? Cause they're all douches, except lil sis ofc.

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u/Llamasinthewild 6h ago

ESH.

I think keeping all of the inheritance would be selfish. Your grandfather sounds very spiteful and manipulative and he has fully consigned you to a similar lonely life as him.

Your family are also being turds but looks like they didn't have the privilege of being his favourite so they got treated like shit.

You can keep all the money for sure but I would think about ways to help use that to heal the family rift.

Like your dad is a wasteful alcoholic? Set up trust with rehab as a condition of a monthly income.

Your sister, cover her educational expenses but you don't oe your step mother anything.

Otherwise you're just going to be rich and lonely like the guy you inherited your money from.

I'm not saying split it equally but 8mil is more than enough money for a lifetime. You can definitely fo something for your family members.

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u/packkets 7h ago

NTA it's your grandfather's money, he gave it to whom he wanted keep it. Spend it on whom ever you please. Remember that people go crazy for money it doesn't matter how much for. I have seen it happen to both my wife and I. Even if you were to give it up or split it up, In 5 or 10 years they will come back for more.

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u/Cold_FuzZ 5h ago

You got 8mil and you've only offered to pay for your sisters college ?

Cant really comment on the adults as we don't know much about them.

Imagine if it was the other way around.

ESH.

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u/mplagic 2h ago

This'll get down voted but YTA/esh. Bro it's 8 million dollars, you don't have to give them half just put like 50k in a retirement fund as a nest for security for your loved ones. That wont even make a dent in your wealth. God I can't fathom being that selfish, I'm not close with my family at all but in a heartbeat id make sure they'd have a way to retire and not work into their 80s or have an emergency fund if they lose insurance/ have a medical crisis. You can do whatever you want with your money that doesn't mean you're absolved from the social consequences. You're family also sound like total assholes and it seems like you didn't fall far from the tree.

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u/Quicksilver1964 1h ago

NTA. They just said that if you don't give money to them, you'll be shunned by the family. So basically they are saying they want to be paid to be around you.

Don't give in. Your grandfather left money to you for a good reason. Respect his wishes. If they want to cut you off, you already know why your grandfather left everything to you.

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u/Punpuppy 6h ago

NTA - I think you have every right to keep that money for yourself and save it for what you need. He set you up to be successful and it’s very sweet.

I would highly suggest getting a lawyer or an estate manager in general to help with the process. Even though he left everything to you it sounds like your family may contest it, and even if they didn’t liquidating assets and managing estate is hard to do without help.

Also you may want to help out the younger sibling if you feel so inclined, it would be a nice gesture BUT you are NOT OBLIGATED to do so. Also if you do, you have every right to set it up as a trust on YOUR OWN terms. You can make it so she can access it for school when she reaches 18, and not allow her mother to access it.

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u/Zenmachine83 6h ago

Call their bluff OP. If you have all this $$$ there is zero way they remain out of contact with you, as they will need an investor for their shitty business ideas. Find a fee-based financial advisor with fiduciary responsibility and make sensible investments. This bit of good fortune can really enhance your life.

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u/mamahatchie 2h ago

As Latino, I don’t understand this shit. Family first.
I can’t imagine having a family like this.

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u/Manaleaking 6h ago

ESH - family sucks for pressuring you and not being nice to you before, you suck for being greedy and keeping it all to yourself. Everyone here is saying NTA but most of reddit wants free healthcare + tuition etc., by "taxing the rich", but most rich people have money without needing to pay income tax on it, just like you, so it's inconsistent for 1 person to get 8 million dollars and for everyone else to get nothing. Rich people are hated anyways especially generational wealth that isn't earned.

100% right do not give any money to your sister until she's older and don't make any promises, it could ruin her life.

You should give your grandma/dad a small amount such as 40k, that's 0.5% of the amount. If my own family asked me for 50$ when I had 10k in my bank account, I wouldn't tell them no even if I had a bad relationship with them... it seems you care too much about money and want to be spiteful because they are mean to you, which maybe is fair in your brother's case if he was bullying you all your life and has never done a single favor to you. Remember that the court can definitely side with them even if you have a lawyer, depending on where you live, and they could be awarded more money even if you try to stop them.

It's not worth making rich lawyers richer to keep a boot on your family's throat for an amount of money that you don't even need to already live the life of the 1%.

You are also better off moving to a different city and distancing yourself from your family.

But think long term. Do you want to have a wedding where none of your family shows up? If you're sick in the hospital, none of your family visit? At your funeral, they speak bad about you to your friends? Everyone calling you a greedy and selfish brat for the rest of your life? Are there things worth more than money to you, and if none of those things involve your family in any way, maybe you will grow up to be like your grandad and you can pick a favorite to give your money to when you die and your brother and sister have their kids lol

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u/hellasforev 6h ago

Financial Advisor here.

You’ve got a bunch of non financial issues you need to sort out.

The financial stuff is simple, we basically sit down with you and talk about your life plans. The main goal of this is to figure out when you’re going to need cash and how much cash you’re going to need. We also try to figure out if you’re risk averse or risk seeking, basically how well you’d handle seeing a large loss in any year.

Based on that we propose a plan to buy assets that will mature or will be sold about when you need cash. If you’re risk seeking we buy assets which are higher return but higher potential loss like stocks. If you’re risk averse we put money into bonds. In any case, we’re going to buy you a mix of assets.

Making some assumptions and given you’re young, we probably keep about 1 year’s expenses in cash and 1 years expenses in fixed deposits, and probably weight remainder the portfolio 20% bonds 80% stock index funds.

That’s basically it.

The non financial issues are bigger. The biggest one is that this is probably the end relationships with some members of your family. It sounds like they’re going to resent you for the rest of your life.

My advice is to take a time out for 3 months. Go backpacking in Europe post corona or something. Get some space to digest.

Then come back and try to create a life for yourself without the family. And then give selected members of family slow reintroduction on a purely good behavior basis.

Also make sure you’ve got a family lawyer who will look out for you. Get someone who you feel comfortable with.

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u/Whack-Angus 2h ago

NTA - ease please please do not cave in OP! They want to cut you off? That’s either just an empty threat or a blessing since you don’t want to be around people who care more about money than you. Helping your little sister out seems like a good idea. You can promise to pay for her education and maybe help her get started afterwards with down payments for a house etc. Secure her life but do not just give her the money.

It is not your fault that your grandfather decided to give the whole inheritance to you. You didn’t earn it but you have it now and it is only up to you to decide what you want to do with it.

It is certainly more than enough money to start a new life in any way you would like to imagine. If your family ends up cutting you off, go far away and find a new family (friends, partners, kids etc). You are in the lucky position now to do with your life as you please, money won’t ever stop you again (unless you waste it all).

And listen to the people who say you gotta lawyer up and invest. You have the money to pay for good services, make use of that.

Good luck with your life!

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u/The_Thugmuffin 3h ago

Morally, I feel you do owe your younger sister something because she never had to opportunity to bond with her Grandpa. The nice thing would be to pay for your younger siblings college and make a start up house/funds with a protected trust of some kind. But besides the young family, everyone else is a turd. Money makes people ugly, stick to your guns and give them nothing. Live your best life.

NTA

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u/DecentSwordfish0 3h ago

NTA.Your family doesn't deserve anything from you.I would consider the sister.Good luck!

Source:   Reddit

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