A
r/AmItheAsshole
3311
Posted by u/Level-Bid4516
10 hours ago

'AITA for entering my coworker’s office after he told me not to?' 'I told you NO.'

I’ve been working in this office for 3 months, but because of space shortages, I currently share it with a coworker who just started last week. Even though he’s new, he’s technically my supervisor.

Today, I was told I could leave early because I’d finished all my work. I stepped out for about 5 minutes to see if anyone else needed help, but nobody did. When I came back, there was a “Please Do Not Disturb” sign on the door. Usually that means there’s a meeting or conversation going on, and they can last close to an hour.

The problem was, my bag- with my wallet, water, and food- was still in there. I didn’t want to wait almost an hour to get it, so I asked another coworker for advice. She suggested knocking. I waited another 5 minutes, then knocked. He said, “Not right now.” I knocked again to show I wasn’t there for chit-chat, but because I actually needed something.

Still: “Not right now.”

So I opened the door just enough to explain that I needed to grab my bag- it was literally one step inside. He immediately snapped, “I told you no,” in a raised voice and basically kicked me back out. I shut the door and left, but I was so shaken I ended up crying in the bathroom.

When his meeting was finally over, I went back in to collect my things. I was still upset, and he told me I had no right to be “pissed.” I said I only wanted my bag and that I have the right to access my own belongings. I suggested that if he’s planning a meeting in our shared office, he could at least let me know so I can grab my stuff beforehand.

He said he doesn’t see it that way and doesn’t need to tell me anything, and he kept pushing the point.

At that stage, I was trying not to cry again, so I told him it’s harder for me because I’m autistic. The second I said that, his tone changed- he softened and said he didn’t know, and now it was “fine.” But it really bothered me that I had to disclose something so personal just to get basic understanding.

Now I’m worried this could hurt my reputation. He’s well-liked, and I’m scared it’ll get spun as me causing drama- especially since I’ve been socially excluded before because of my autism. Until now, this was the first workplace where I felt genuinely safe and included, and I’d even considered staying long-term.

Now, I’m not so sure.

So… AITA for going in after he told me not to?

\_\_\_
**TL;DR:** Shared an office with a new supervisor. He had a “Do Not Disturb” sign up during a meeting, but my bag (with essentials) was inside. I knocked twice, explained urgency, and still got told no. Opened door to grab it quickly, got yelled at. Now worried it’ll damage my work relationships.

AITA?

Comments (505)

M
u/mega512 2h ago

NTA - Nah fuck that. Talk to HR. That is completely inappropriate.

A
u/auesomemom 6h ago

NTA - but he is one. Talk to HR because autistic or not, its a shared space. I would have walked in despite the sign and quietly gathered my things. Are you hourly? If he locked you out and you can’t leave then he has to pay for that time you were detained by his holier than thou attitude.

S
u/Safe_Ability3437 5h ago

NTA.
When you share an office, you are allowed to enter and exit as you see fit.
If he had a meeting that couldn't be disturbed, he should have either notified you in advance, or had the meeting elsewhere.

Q
u/quincebush 6h ago

NTA Firstly, your officemate had zero business scheduling a meeting in your shared office without informing you, it's a shared space. Your autism has nothing to do with misreading the situation, they were in the wrong. Secondly, your officemate didn't changed their tune because you explained. They did because their ass would be in the sling since autism makes you part of a protected class in the workplace. You need to log this incident and any others and if it continues to be a problem, notify human resources. Human resources protects the company from legal exposure in the work place and you have protections under the ADA if your are in the US or similar laws in other countries.

S
u/Sleepwalker0304 8h ago

NTA.

Take it to HR. Make sure they know you couldn't leave because he wouldn't allow you to retrieve your belongings and (if you aren't salaried) you expect to be paid for the time you had to remain in the office and were not allowed to leave due to his actions. Make it clear that you'll be lawyering up if they refuse.

I bet it's all on camera and that things change then.

E
u/Ellumine 6h ago

NTA. It's also your office, and his leadership style sounds atrocious. Like others are saying, this needs to go to HR. He either needs an office of his own in line with his title, or he should be sharing with other leadership, to start with, but if you'll be trapped with him in that space, he has no right to deny you access to it. If he's doing something that requires that level of privacy, he can go find a conference room or empty office. Denying you access to your belongings or potentially to your own productivity for his own, singular convenience is unacceptable.

G
u/Glitch_Ghoul 4h ago

NTA. Next time just walk in and grab your stuff. Don't ask permission, just do it. It's your space as well, he can't kick you out of it.

J
u/justmynamee 2h ago

Title is misleading, because its not just your co-workers office, its also yours. Regardless of superiority, that was an uncalled for reaction from someone who is supposed to be your superior. Personally I would start a paper trail with HR, because it seems like they want the shared space as their own, and will squeeze you out any way they can. NTA

L
u/Lucy_Nell 5h ago

NTA. It's a share space so he should warn you about his meetings so you can organize your work properly. And you shouldn't have to disclose your autistic diagnostic to him for him understanding the problem. Do you have another superior ? You should talk about this share office's problem with a superior to plan a better organisation.

O
u/o2low 8h ago

NTA. You should speak to HIS boss or whoever implemented the space sharing.

You are correct that he has no right to unilaterally decide to have solo access to the space. You are entitled to at least notice of the meeting or respectfully he should be having the meeting somewhere else

P
u/peakerforlife 5h ago

NTA. It's your office too, and he shouldn't be holding your stuff hostage.

S
u/ScarletNotThatOne 8h ago

NTA. He doesn't get to keep you out of a shared space without first making arrangements.

D
u/dabbin_mama 7h ago

NTA
"He doesn't see it that way" doesn't matter how he sees it matters how HR does. It's unreasonable to block access to a shared office without advance notice, full stop.

G
u/Graflex01867 2h ago

NTA.

When you share an office, you cannot just throw a “do not disturb” sign on the door and kick your co-worker out. Even if you had agreed to let him use the office, you needed your things to go home - that’s an acceptable reason to interrupt a meeting, do-not-disturb or not.

B
u/beeedean 2h ago

NTA. You don’t need permission to enter your own office. He sounds upset he’s being forced to share this space with you. Regardless if you have autism, which you shouldn’t have needed to disclose that for sympathy from him, he was inappropriate.

INFO: what was he doing when you opened the door? If he really was in a meeting and spoke to you that way with people overhearing, that’s even worse. He’s not setting a great example.

E
u/ExtensionRhubarb5811 3h ago

NTA...go to HR immediately and get this remedied. He's creating a hostile work environment.

L
u/lkvwfurry 8h ago

NTA he's the asshole here and 100% in the wrong.

F
u/False_Appointment_24 2h ago

ESH. You mostly for going to the well of "I'm autistic". It had no bearing on anything. What it did was make him feel bad *and* reinforce the idea to him that autistic people cannot function properly in work settings. You basically threw every autistic person under the bus of, "I can't control myself", when in reality you had done nothing wrong at that point.

Him for being a complete asshole. It's your office, too. You can come and go in your office as you please. If they need to hold a meeting that excludes you, they need to hold it somewhere other than your office.

And your entire company for having people share offices, especially having people share offices with supervisors. That is just ridiculous and leads directly to foreseeable problems like this.

N
u/noccie 6h ago

Such a strange trend on this forum - is everyone on this site autistic?

Clearly the shared space isn't working, ask him about having your own desk/cubicle so he can hold a meeting or close the door as needed. You weren't wrong to want to get your stuff. What do you mean "technically he's your supervisor"? He's your supervisor or he isn't. If he is, it doesn't sound appropriate to share the same office space as him.

V
u/vegasbywayofLA 2h ago

NTA. I would have given a light knock to minimize the disturbance, then walked in and grabbed my stuff.

It is a shared office; he can't unilaterally decide to kick you out. He should have warned you about his meeting as soon as he knew about it to see if it was ok for him to have the office to himself for that time period.

Source:   Reddit

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