'WIBTA for not attending my twin sister's wedding two weeks after my firstborn's due date?'

Taking a two week old baby to a family gathering is a TERRIBLE idea. That baby has no immune system, everyone is going to want to hold them, and whether they met baby before that day or not, they're going to focus their attention on the newborn. Your sister is going to get angrier every time baby cries or someone coos over them.

This is your twin sister, though. I think the best option would be for YOU to go to the wedding alone, and just attend the ceremony (this is assuming the wedding is within ten or fifteen minutes of home). Do something splashy for the reception--a nice piece of jewelry or floral display for your sister, maybe some pretty crystal stemware, I don't know, but something along with a card saying "So sorry I couldn't be there but I am so happy for you and can't wait for our babies to grow up together!" You could maybe even do a video toast to be played at the reception. But two weeks postpartum is not a good time for baby OR mom to be at a large formal event.

NTA if you don't attend, but making some effort will go a long way towards not dealing with the drama for the rest of your life.

NTA. I have news for your family, a due date is not a set date. Statistically only 5% of babies are born then. First babies are more likely to be born past the due date 80%, in the first week 70%, which leaves a not small likelihood that you will be in your first week pp at the wedding if you attended.

Also, baby shouldn’t be around a giant crowd of the unwashed and if you’ll be breastfeeding you won’t be able to attend without baby. And thats before we talk about c sections and tears.

They set this up for you to fail (they knew your due date), I’d just gracefully say no now.

Then if you can show up for the ceremony, it’ll be a lovely surprise

Two weeks after my first baby’s due date, baby was 1 day old. I wouldn’t even be considering going to that wedding at all, especially with those stipulations!

Your sister set you up intentionally so you cannot win either way. Don't jump through hoops for this unreasonable demand, it will stress you out and you have more important things to consider post partum, like your and your baby's health. Don't go

First of all, stop letting people dictate what you do with your family. You need to keep your baby safe. If your parents and sister can’t or won’t understand your reasons for not going, then let them have a hissy fit. Do they let you tell them how to live their lives?

With all due respect, by the time the wedding rolls around, you'll either be still pregnant or definitely not physically able to go to a wedding. Are you seriously considering going to a wedding two weeks after pushing a watermelon out of your vagina?

I was 5 days overdue and baby was in the NICU for another 5 days so due dates don’t really mean very much in terms of making plans!

Also, the last thing I would be doing is taking a very fresh newborn to a huge gathering - especially as cold/flu season seems to start earlier and earlier each year.

IF, and a huge IF, you felt up to attending (I was very much not up to doing very much, let alone go to a wedding that soon after giving birth) I would be leaving husband and baby at home and showing face for an hour or so if it was local and going straight home!

ESH. Your sister’s ego needs to take all the seats, but the baby shouldn’t be going anyway because tiny babies aren’t supposed to hang in crowds. IDK wtf you’re all thinking tbh. Maybe focus on prioritising the infant’s health over everyone’s wedding feels.

The family must be stupid. You are not for enough mentally or physically to go to a wedding two weeks after the birth. Shut that down! Use your doctors recommendation if you need to

NTA but your sister kind of is. I know what it's like losing a pregnancy. It can be very painful and traumatic, and it's difficult being around babies and new mothers when you're still reeling from that loss. But requiring an infant child to meet the family in order to be allowed to attend the wedding is ridiculous. Also, it's a pretty bad idea to take a two week old infant to a wedding anyway, if only for the fact that they are extremely vulnerable at that age and could get very sick. It seems to me your sister knows this and is deliberately trying to make it so that you don't bring the baby, without outright telling you to not bring the baby. Not to mention, you are going to be two weeks post-partem and will be exhausted and still healing. I know she is your sister and you said you were close, but expecting a new mother, who literally *just* gave birth, to attend a multi-hour event is insane. I would go to the wedding ceremony solo, have your husband watch the baby, and skip the reception. If she really loves you, she will understand.

2 weeks? What about baby's immune system?

I wouldn't be taking a new born to meet everyone and be in a crowd at that age.

There was someone on here the other day who got herpes simplex as a wee baby from being kissed by an aunt with it - its very serious when a baby gets it.

I would check with a doctor.

Plus you will be post partum and all sorts will still be leaking.. darned awkward to deal with going to bathroom and juggling a new born.

I get your sister wants her day to be about her.

You really dont know what your situation will be - baby may come early or late.

And how far away is the wedding from your doc and hospital?

I wouldn't commit to going, nor would I commit to baby meeting anyone.

Just wait til the Mummy hormones kick in. It's a thing.

I would wish your sister well, ask if she can hook you up with zoom.- and stay home.

She may be mad for a while, but she'll likely get it after her baby shows up.

NTA.

All of my babies were two weeks late - how will you meet her requirements if you give birth a few days before? It will be difficult for you to make plans regardless of her terms when you could theoretically be giving birth the day of the wedding.

Your family seem to have forgotten that babies arrive when they want to. You could go a week over due making this suggestion even more impractical.

She’s putting conditions on your attendance so I think you are good to match that energy.

Jeez Louise. It’s common for a firstborn child to come late — up to two weeks late is not unusual. My first was born 13 days after her due date. You could literally be in labor during the wedding. And just getting around the first week or two following can be miserable and painful, excluding the possibility of a c-section. Putting aside your sister’s unrealistic demand, I think you should assume it will be difficult to attend.

If, and only if, you have a timely delivery and feel up to it, I would say you could plan to go to the ceremony only. Assuming it’s not that long, perhaps your husband could skip and watch the baby for that hour or so, staying nearby in case you’re needed to step away for feeding (if you plan to breastfeed).

I would tell your sister that you don’t want to miss her special day and will plan to attend the ceremony only — but make it clear that it’s dependent on your actual delivery date and recovery state at that point. That way, she won’t have to pay for a seat for you at the reception and you can play it by ear—childbirth is no joke.

NTA. I don’t like how other people are dictating what you should be doing with your baby in its first few weeks. It’s not their call. Giving birth is a major body trauma, it’s recommended you rest as well as the baby shouldn’t be around a bunch of people.

You decide when you want your baby to met your family. Your sister has decided how she wants her wedding, and if you can’t do what she asks, then she should understand you doing the same with your baby.

Your baby needs your focus and attention, maybe your sister will understand that once she has had her own.

NTA. She's not going to want to be rushed when it's *her* turn to introduce *her* baby to everyone, so you shouldn't be rushed or pushed through your experience either just because she's having a shotgun wedding. If your family complains, express disappointment in them for their lack of consideration and support of your postpartum needs and concerns. Advise them that you remain willing to make an appearance to show your support, but you are also willing to respect her request that you don't attend.

1) There is such a minuscule chance your baby will be born on their actual due date.

2) If they are, there’s an equally small chance you’ll be able/inclined to go to a wedding that soon after. You will be bleeding, leaking, ungodly tired, and full of new hormones.

3) And most importantly, your newborn will have zero immune system and it’s horribly unsafe to have them “get to know” a dozen+ people, let alone take them into a large crowd at that point.

Aside from the reality of postpartum/having a newborn, which you probably won’t understand until it happens, your husband NAILED it. Putting requirements on your brand new baby to allow you to attend your twin’s wedding is a gross thing to do.

Do not roll dice on your and your baby’s health for the sake of your sister’s ego. Hopefully she’ll gain some sense and realize it’s completely irrational to expect any of this.

NTA. Did your sister apologize for giving you the silence treatment just because she was jealous ?

Your sister arranged her wedding knowing that it would be two weeks after your due date - your baby may not even be here yet?

She knows that - yet she has imposed unfair restrictions

I would group text her and the family and call it what it is

This is the situation - you’ve decided to marry your fiancé on the day you met but you must have known that would make it very unlikely I will be there

I won’t bend to your demands about letting all the family meet a tiny new born

I will make the decisions not you - I am the mom and responsible for my baby’s welfare

We won’t be attending the wedding at all. There is no way that I will be bringing a newborn around huge groups of people

I think that’s what sister wants OP

NTA. You will have just recently given birth, mind you, you may even go later than your due date. There is a very good chance you will not feel up to attending a long wedding. Honestly, I’d plan on not going for the simple fact that you have just given birth. And if you plan on nursing you’ll need to nurse about every two hours, so really can’t be away from the baby.