'AITA for walking out on my dad when he told me he finds it hard to love me because he knows I don't love his wife?'

I would have walked out too, NTA. 

NTA your dad sounds like a jerk. avoid him for a while and go enjoy your freedom. got your whole life ahead of you, kid

NTA His love for his own son is contingent on how much his son loves his stepmom? That is batshit crazy.

NTA your dad is very blatantly picking his wife over you. He’s also being a manipulative about it. I’d of walked away too. Honestly cut him off. He clearly stated he didn’t want to spend time with his SON so what’s the point.

It sounds like Lil was okay with your level of involvement, but your dad never was. He waited until you'd driven 3 hours to see him just to tell you that he doesn't think he can really love you. Okay then. Bye, dad. Nice knowing you. NTA

How much do you look like your mother. 

You and your stepmother don't have a issue. You and you siblings are okay ( especially since they are still kids and you are a college age teenager). 

So it can be one of two things, you father is a douche who expected stress in the family and primarily on you, a literal child or you look so much like your mother he wants to 'bury' you like he did his 1st wife. 

I’d of walked out too. WTF did he expect? For you to beg to be part of his do over family?!

I’m sorry for your loss. My dad was remarried about two years after my mom died too. It fucking sucked. Everyone just expected me to be happy there was a stranger around in my mom’s place while I was still grieving like crazy.
Adults are selfish. I think you might need to take a break from him for a while your your own mental health

Your dad is a terrible parent and doesn't know what love is.

Tell him he made himself perfectly clear and he gets a pass from talking to you for a few years. Give both of you a break. No need for connection. Your dad is SUCH an asshole.

I would have blocked him before he had a chance to message. How dare he even imply it was wrong to walk out when he basically just told you he doesn't want or love you anymore. F**k him. Just tell him he has his perfect family now and your life will be better without his judgemental attitude in it so draw a line and walk away.

Nta. Keep on walking. He started it by wanting you to love HIS babies more. They are his babies not yours.

I would seriously consider going nc. You don't live close to him and what is he really contributing to this relationship?

Good luck. You sound like a super kid.

Telling you he doesn't love you because you don't love his wife makes him an ah.

I tend to believe he did this purposely because he wants to wash his hands of you.

Do you have a wedding coming up?

Stories like this break my heart. Your dad is a terrible person. You don’t fit into his picture-perfect new life, so he’s decided you’re hard to love, gosh, it makes me sick! Marrying someone just two years after your mom’s passing is already deeply disrespectful, but withholding love because you can’t pretend to be happy for him is unforgivable. Some people should never have children, and your father is one of them. You wouldn’t be the AH for cutting him out of your life entirely.

NTA - A parent saying they struggle to love them is one of the most terrible thing to say because it is basically saying that he is trying but failing to love you.

Message him back paraphrasing what he said "With how you acted and what you said that I am struggling to love you", see what he says.

No, NTA. and I'm very sorry that your dad is such a gigantic f\*\*\*\*\*\* a\*\*\*\*\*\*!

He told you walking away wasn't the right way to handle it!? Well making his son drive 3 hours to see him and then dumping this BS on them OUT OF THE BLUE, was not the right way to handle anything! "Well wow Dad, I have a hard time connecting with you when I know what a giant f\*\*\*\*\*\* a\*\*\*\*\*\* you are and when you have treated me this poorly, always second place!" And then left - is what many of us would have done. A better answer might have been, "your selfish withholding of love is on you Dad, it means you're a jerk".

Has your dad always been this super manipulative? In what he told you, he is using honesty as a weapon, rather than a tool to help benefit the situation. By weapon I mean, by force, by intent, by pressure, he seeks to change your behavior without ever helping you to do that, or doing the work that he needs to do to make that happen. And all to benefit HIM - because hey, he's not going to do the work that he should. Long ago should have.

He is laying the entire situation on your shoulders very dishonestly. Since he has opened up this, I would send him an email laying your worst truths on him, because what he did was very unfair to you. Doing this after a 3-hour drive was simply put, mean and manipulative, he didn't expect you to be able to walk away. What a fucker! Are these really adults!?? She told you there were no hard feelings on HER END?!! Because \*she\* apologized but YOUR FATHER HAS NOT??! Selfish to the max!

Now is a great time to put on paper ALL that you've ever wanted to say to him. Lay out all the ways, that he has made it hard to love HIM! Lay out all the f\*\*\*\*\*\* things he made you face without the support of a father, while he countered you and demanded that you instead do other things to attain his love; the effort after effort of yours he has required, while putting in so little himself. The f\*\*\*\*\* up ways he dumped you into this new situation and then always took his wife's side, all of it. The way he put his emotional requirements on you - you have to be just as pleased about a child that interferes with his ability to love you?! You have to be just as happy about the wife that took your mother's place?! Is he f\*\*\*\*\*\* insane?!

Write that letter and tell him the only way he could have done this was in front of a goddamn therapist. And now he needs to book one pronto to untangle this load of b\*\*\*\*\*\*\* he just put on you!

Talk about making his goddamn love goddamn conditional! I don't believe this selfish bastard has ever, ever put you first, and I'm so sorry. Give this a\*\*\*\*\*\* all the truth bombs he deserves: No more avoiding it.

We redditors will help you write this letter, I would put every damn thing in there: his manipulations and selfishness, his thoughtless, unrealistic demands, all of the feelings of yours he's ignored, and every single time he chose his new wife over you. Did he even get you therapy after your mom died or Lil showed up? What a selfish jerk he has always been, putting his own needs constantly first!

He sounds like the typical unthinking self-centered jerk seeking to impose his way, that so many of us had as a father. A crappy, selfish assaholic father. Text him you need therapy immediately, and he needs to make some goddamn effort to give you the unconditional love he demands from you. And he can drive the f\*\*\*\*\*\* 3 hours!

Send him this if it's easier, and a link to your post. Your a\*\*\*\*\*\* of a father should be on his knees begging your forgiveness for all the times he has done you wrong, like this time.

From me to him: Fuck you, "Dad"! You're not a real father, but a manipulative prick to your own son.

I’m sorry man. I would have done the same thing and honestly wouldn’t have even responded just ghosted him and gone NC. He’s not a real father.

Tell him to you let you know when he is sure he loves you, then you can talk. Make him come to you.

Love with conditions isn't love. NTA

Tell your dad that a normal, emotionally and mentally healthy man LOVES his child unconditionally. The fact that he's not capable of that is both hurtful but is also making you concerned about his mental health. Finding out that he doesn't love you as a parent normally loves a child blindsided you and that you need to process this new information before being able to talk with him.

Suggest maybe he schedule some sessions with a therapist to get a handle on this failure to be a parent and then maybe the two of you can talk about it and if you can have some sort of familiar or at least friendly relationship going forward.

NTA. What exactly did your dad expect would happen when he says something like that too his son? You have a relationship that suits you and his wife, you aren't hostile or cold, you get along.

If the Grand Canyon had hemmaroids sprinkled around the outside and was able to fart it would still be a smaller arsehole for father

NTA and man it's nice to hear about a parent's wife who is like Lili and can take you as you are instead of trying to fit you into a little box.