'AITA if I stop all of the favors I’ve been doing for my ex since he has refused the one favor I asked?'

They are really biting the hand that feeds them. I would respond to the email saying “wow, I’m so surprised at this response given the positive relationship and co-parenting dynamic we have had thus far.

We will make other arrangements for the kids for that week.

I’ll also need to be selling that car, so let me know if you want to buy it priced at $XXXX or I’ll come to get it (5 days from today).

I also can’t be continuing to care for your cat, I’ll be stopping as of now, and Louisa still can’t do it.

I will still keep the kids for your two custody weeks in July as I had previously agreed to, but going forward will be working off the assumption that you will cover your time with them as I will with mine.

I’m sorry you prefer this type of arrangement, I was pretty happy with what we had before, but I understand.”

They may walk it back; or not. But if they don’t you don’t have to be a doormat.

Nta. Don't let anyone walk over you. They said you were dumping the kids on them when they were doing exactly the same. 

Honestly, I would send an email with the spreadsheet (pretty bad ass imo) and let them know that you don’t appreciate their ungrateful attitude and that you are more than happy to go by the parenting agreement forward. People want to be petty and ungrateful & so do I. Lol

Ywnbta

Your friends are worried if you send them this info it will "be a breakdown of the coparenting relationship," but don't consider their entitled manifesto to be the first crack at it? Those friends are full of shit.

I would send them the excel spreadsheet and tell them to verify it. Remind them of the flexibility you've given them AND you raised small children without the benefit of a 3rd parent. I would tell them how insulting their manifesto and lack of recognition of your efforts to make their lives easier and blend well with all the kids in mind. The audacity it takes to shame you for taking 3 weeks for your honeymoon, when you take the kids to so many things.

Fuck them. If they don't wise up, don't take the kids and stick to the custody schedule and work something out with your friends for your weeks.

In reading this i think we may be missing a subtle point. It only crossed my mind when you mention how many days extra you’ve had your kids. I mean, there’s only 365 days in a year! Each only have the kids for 182 days a year.

The new trad wife is pushing his first kids out. I’m not sure how we could look at it any other way. I think thats what’s underlying this.

I had 50/50 with my ex. Whenever she asked me to keep him extra days I always said yes. It happened a lot. I rarely asked. We were pretty amicable. Where is your ex in all of this? Is he just a spineless wiener?

1. Send spreadsheet
2. Tell them the Manifesto was uncalled for and hurtful
3. Relay all extra time and efforts on your part are now OVER.
4. From now on, all parenting activities and schedules will be via a parenting APP
5. Ex husband is responsible for picking up and returning your children when it’s his week
6. AND you are allowed to change your mind: you will not be taking care of your children for a month after your ex’s partner gives birth
7. Bring your Aunt & Uncle out to care for your children during your honeymoon.

Look, the 2nd wife is very much wanting to look after *her* kids not yours. And your (I have a flattering adjectives) ex-husband hasn’t yet figured out that having a litter of children comes with responsibilities that the big dog needs to take into account. *He* wanted this so badly that *he* needs to figure out how to support all his children regardless of how many women he procreates with.

Send the spreadsheet. Frame it like, having recounted the arrangements so far, that he has benefitted 6x times from your flexibility and willingness to cooperate for the benefit of the kids. Since his email however, you’ve been forced to reconsider the extent to which they’ve been relying on you to fill in the gaps in their ability to fulfill their responsibilities during their custody times, and the gaps in their finances.

Since he feels so strongly about how unfair the flexibility of the arrangement’s are, that you will revert to simply staying with the agreement as it’s meant to be.

Let them understand how much more “unfair” life can be. It make no mistake, she has little interest in parenting your kids along with hers. This is where her campaign to make her kids priority in their father’s life begins.

NTA. I suggest you meet with your ex (and just your ex, not his wife) and have a heart to heart with him. Tell him their response shocked and hurt you. Remind him of how much more often you’ve taken the kids during his custody time, the extra drop offs, etc., and that you’ve been glad to do it. Tell him you want to continue to have a good co-parenting relationship, but that relationship cannot be one-sided.

Then ask him what led them to give you such an unkind response to a reasonable request.

Hopefully you two can work this out. If not, then you’d be within your rights to be a lot less accommodating of their needs.

The break down of co parenting already happen. Tessie doesn’t like having your kids over too much. It’s challenging to have extra kids. 
You have been very good to them. You are cleaning their litter! That needs to stop! 
Tell him you want to sell your old car as well.
 

You’re NAH, but you are a sucker.

NTA This is why custody needs to be a legal agreement. You let them use you as a support system when they would never do the same for you. Your co-parenting situation works only "very well" if you make the sacrifices.

You need to take him to court and make everything formal including child support and whether everything should actually be paid 50/50. They will keep taking advantage of your willingness to keep the peace as long as you let them.

OP, what you have isn't 50/50 custody. Its you pretending you have 50/50 custody so that your ex doesn't need to pay child support.

You've been providing life support, life admin, house keeping and financial help to your ex husband and his new wife while allowing them to pretend that they're such great parents. I'd suggest calmly providing that spreadsheet and then going back to a lawyer and asking about changing the child custody arrangement given you're ALREADY doing more than 50/50.

Also your ex husband and his wife deserve none of your grace. What the actual fuck - at least take back that car.

You have been more then accommodating. I think you should point out the imbalance going on. Especially since it has beneficial to them more. I’d let them know you expect the same courtesy that you have shown them! Especially for something as special as a honeymoon. I’d stop doing favor personally. They wanted more kids with a blended family, they can learn to tough it out.

NTA. I would reply back and say you’re terribly sorry that a single request is so offensive to them. From now on you will stick strictly to the parenting plan. No switching, pick ups, extra days. Because that’s horribly offensive to them and you won’t deviate again.

Don’t attach the spreadsheet. Attach the parenting plan. And next time he needs you to pick up the kids, reply “see page 6, line 9 of the plan. Don’t want to offend anyone by deviating again!” Send the invoices for your daughter’s medical. Same response as above. Let them see what happens when you kill the golden goose.

NTA

But I wouldn’t inform them I was stopping all the extras. I would just stop.

- “Hey, I can’t pick the kids up this week or drop the kids to you. If you can’t come get them then perhaps Tessie can do it? If she can’t I guess you can reschedule and pick them up later in the day.”
- “FYI, Louisa’s doctor’s appointment is on the 15th. That’s during your week so I wanted to remind you.”
- “Oh, I’m sorry your son is having a meltdown but I’m actually out right now and can’t come grab the kids for you. I’m sure you can manage to figure out your weeks as it’s not life or death, right?”
- “I don’t really think I have time to come over and deal with your litter box. Its not really fair to *dump* your cat on a single mother.
- “Sorry to do this to you but I found a buyer for my car. I’ll need to get it back and detailed by next week.”

YWNBTA- But you don't actually have 50/50 parenting time, and you need to recognize that.

Your spread sheet lays out that you ended up with the kids an extra what, 75 nights if you subtracted your requests from his?

You (or your partner) are doing all the school pick-ups.

You are doing all the emotional labor of scheduling and managing medical appointments for both children.

You are doing all school meetings for both children.

Greg and Tessie chose to have more kids. Is it possible they are now financially overwhelmed? Yes, especially with one child being special needs. Is it possible Tessie is emotionally overwhelmed? Yes, especially with dealing with a child on the autism spectrum and a new pregnancy.

Is that your problem to fix? No. No, it isn't.

You are correct that your first concern needs to be your kids, but you also need to take a hard look at the facts: Greg is already starting to fall down on the job. His household is relying on you to pick up his slack financially (he's driving your car, for crying out loud? Is he on the insurance? What if he has an accident) and emotionally for the kids when they already can't meet their needs, and that appears to be happening regularly.

You need to have the following conversations:

First, with your kids. I would do this separately so you can give each of them your full attention.
Ask non-leading questions, but ask how things have been at Dad and Tessie's. What makes them happiest about spending time there. Is there anything they're worried or upset about? And then listen to what they say, carefully.

Second, you need to have a meeting with just you and Greg, no Tessie and Luke. Lay out the following:
1) By sending their manifesto, he and Tessie have changed the tone of the coparenting relationship from cooperative to adversarial. Was that their intent?
2) Lay out the Math of how much of his co-parenting time you are already covering outside of the big asks.
3) Remind him that he and Tessie ask for and got two weeks of coverage with their first child and asked for the same this time around. Ask why that is a lesser ask than one week of time when, theoretically, your children will be in school most of the day, and care would only be needed in evenings?
4) Bring up any concerns the children have raised to you about time with their Dad, if there is any.
5) If he and Tessie are dying on this hill, let him know the following:
A) You will not provide coverage for his weeks post delivery. They get 72 hours. For anything else, they have to figure it out.
B) He has 45 days to secure a new vehicle. After that, you will reclaim yours, and he is on his own.
C) Whoever's parenting week it is is now responsible for school pick-ups, school meetings, and medical appointments. Records will be kept to balance medical expenses EXACTLY 50/50.
D) No more last-minute coverage.
E) If he demonstrates he can not meet the parenting plan as laid out (things are 50/50), then you will be forced to consult a lawyer about pursuing a change in custody.

This sounds harsh, but they are changing the script here, and I am betting money it's because of finances and because they are focusing more on their younger special needs child and impending birth. If that means your kids aren't getting the attention or parenting they need, something has to give, and you need to grow a shiny spine and make it happen.

Wow. Somehow your EX-husband gets two wives for the price of one! Look at you, "mom-ing" for both households--no wonder the "co-parenting" has gone so well! That man has been getting everything he wants; more children with a new wife, still has YOU to handle all the doctor appointments, and school appointments, and school activities for his/your existing children, on top of constantly chauffeuring the kids to make HIS life easier, PLUS he gets to abdicate his own role as a father for those same children when it suits the needs of his new wife and \*THEIR\* family.

But of course, he's grateful, right? Happy to reciprocate? Offers to pay for things your kids need in exchange for all the extra time you've given, perhaps? Oh--no, that's right-you have also been providing financial support by paying all the health care premiums, instead of the half you're actually responsible for.

Did I misrepresent anything?

Have I missed anything? Oh, you even SCOOP THE LITTERBOX FOR \*THEIR\* CAT????

MA'AM.

Don't take this wrong, but... can \*WE\* get married and divorced? You are the \*BEST\* wi--um, excuse me "EX-wife" I have ever heard of.

Frankly, your ex-husband isn't a "co-parent." He is a glorified part time babysitter for his own kids.

OP, please make it clear that you are NOT asking Tessie to take of your kids. You are asking their FATHER to take of your kids. After all, they are his kids. How they then arrange things is on them, not you.

NTA

Greg: I want more kids.

Also Greg: Not full time. I’m not going to help much. Don’t give the kids to me. I’ll dump them on my second wife.

NTA

I totally understand your desire to coparent peacefully, but it appears that they have taken your desire for that and they've slowly, subtly pushed the limits.

Now you draw the line in the sand & hold firm. I agree with others, share your spreadsheet. Tell them this is the cold hard evidence of you being more than gracious with their requests. Tell them all that will now stop because the Manifesto was uncalled for and their accusations are unfounded, again, as evidenced by your willingness and eagerness to spend extra time with your children!

Bring up your aunt and uncle, or let your fiancé's parents watch your kids, and start the new, firmer adherence to the legal custody agreement.

If they don't like it, they can take you to court. Keep repeating that to them when they object.

Good luck & update us when they realize they shot themselves in the foot!